Britt social anxiety sadly can't be understood by people who don't know. It is hard to say the right words so here is my attempt. I believe it is ok to be yourself to be as you are. Thinking about other people's ideals can be a burden and trust me I have gone through this before thinking about how people think of me and it is a rabbit hole hard to get out of.

All I do every day is to try my best to just be me and no one else. I am just who I am and leave it at that, it helps but with people who go through it on a daily basis is too hard for me to comprehend so I am sorry I don't have anything to help with but just remind you, your Medium family is with you and your loved ones are with you always supporting you onward step-by-step.